How is this not an HBO show yet?

(language kinda #NSFW)

I’m laughing too hard to even begin typing quotes. Which was your favorite?

What's taking him so long!?

Thanks.

Signed, Ambz.

If you haven’t seen the public Twitter flogging Brian McKnight has been receiving on Twitter, just click ‘play’ to find out why.

Yes, that is 92 year old Brian McKnight singing about teaching YOU (a woman) about your Poontang.

No, he’s not an OB/GYN.

Just a pretty decent R&B singer who had a string of hits in the 90s, not so many now, divorced and who’s only most recent claim to fame was a small role in “Black Dynamite”.

But he wants to tell ya’ll what your vaginas can do.

Oh, bestow knowledge, great Grandpa B. McKnight.

Now, let me be fair.. there were a collective on Twitter who thought he did this as a joke, AND a collective who thought that well.. hoes should listen to him.

To that I say:

I thought Charlie Wilson was outta hand with his 80 year old cornrow obsession….apparently he’s not the main offender.

I just think that old men need to fall back, drink their Pabst Blue Ribbon and reminisce about their good ol days to themselves and the lame nignogs who look up to them, not walk up to girls in the club with their tight azz golf pants w/ FUBU shirts on, or try to explain the inner workings and possibilities of what my coochie can or cannot do.

You sir, need to take your blood pressure medicine and climb outta my canal, I GOT THIS.

First, Republicans wanna set up shop in my uterus, then R. Kelly wants to command me to “populate”, now this?

I’m irritated. I don’t have time for this.

- Ambz

UPDATE: It appears Brian really wasn’t joking.  Here are his recent Tweets:

“It’s funny how we listen and let our kids listen to songs about killing people and selling drugs and calling women bitches. ”

“I wrote this song crude as it may be about satisfying all women and look what happened.”

“It’s for all those women who keep getting disappointed by their partners period it was a parody about that. ”

“I’m not being defensive it’s just sad to think that one parody could wipe out 25 years of work.”

One of these things does not belong here.

I don’t know who is to blame but they had a hologram of Tupac performing.

A hologram

here’s video of Tupac performing at Coachella 2012 *smh*

I saw this on tumblr and well it pretty much says it all (read from the bottom up)

Do you think this was a “cool” special feature or were they doing way too much?

I don’t know whether to be impressed, disgusted or slip this dude my number…

Must be niccccccccccccee...MAH DACK!!!

This alleged drug dealer kept his package in an unexpected place.

When cops searched 23-year-old Ray Woods after a traffic stop in Folcroft, Pa. last week, they were suspicious of a giant bulge in his pants, according to the Philadelphia Daily News.

Woods had tied 89 bags of heroin and cocaine concealed in a larger sack tied to his penis, cops said.

 

Err…wait. There were drugs attached to that monster schlong. RETRACT STATEMENT.

Woods was a passenger in a car pulled over Friday for speeding, the Daily Times reported. The cop reported that he saw a bag of marijuana at Woods’ feet, and another vial full of weed on the seat when he asked Woods to step out of the car.

Okay. The amount of FUGGS this guy does NOT give is admirable. I mean, when you got pulled over you just gon’ drop the weed at yo feet like WHATEVA! I ain’t even’ gon’ try to HIDE THIS SHYT! CRISPY CHICKENN! FRESH LETTUCE!!

Aight, Sir.

At the police station, officers pulled down the alleged perp’s pants and claimed to find 41 bags of heroin and 48 bags of cocaine.

And then things got weird.

“I tried to remove it,” Eiserman said. “Unfortunately, and I don’t know if it was nervousness or not, but [Woods] started urinating all over.”

Woods was charged with possession with intent to deliver, tampering with evidence and other crimes, the Delaware County Daily Times said.

So since we’ve established there are no FUGGS to be had by you, Sir, you not only tied a goodie bag of drugs to your wang thinking no one would think yo pants bulge was TOO big, you then proceeded to piss on yoself and cops when they tried to untie it.

You basically gave the cops an equivalent of

I guess if you gon’ go out like a fool, you may as well go ALL THE WAY OUT.

Congratulations, Sir.

- Ambz

New York-based marketing firm BBH is running what they’re calling a “charitable experiment” this week at the South by Southwest tech and arts festival in Austin, Texas. They’ve outfitted 12 homeless men, and one woman, with equipment that turns them into walking 4G wireless hotspots. It’s a simple, innovative solution to an important, pressing problem: lack of internet.

Anyone who’s spent some time wandering the streets of a city knows this is a problem. You’ve maybe even been there yourself. And you’ve definitely seen those poor souls, standing on the corner, unable to get a strong signal on their phone, or, even worse, only able to connect to a slow Edge or 3G network.

But the “Homeless Hotspots” program has the potential to change all that:

This year in Austin, as you wonder between locations murmuring to your coworker about how your connection sucks and you can’t download/stream/tweet/instagram/ check-in, you’ll notice strategically positioned individuals wearing “Homeless Hotspot” t-shirts. These are homeless individuals in the Case Management program at Front Steps Shelter. They’re carrying MiFi devices. Introduce yourself, then log on to their 4G network via your phone or tablet for a quick high-quality connection. You pay what you want (ideally via the PayPal link on the site so we can track finances), and whatever you give goes directly to the person that just sold you access.

Obviously, there are questions. Is this program a sustainable way to solve an urgent problem? Wouldn’t it be better to attack the systemic issues that create internetlessness in the first place — to address the decades’ worth of cuts to infrastructure and aid, and the cultural biases that lead people to blame lack of internet on personal choices and moral failings? And isn’t there a more compassionate and dignified way to treat those without internet than forcing them to stand next to homeless people wearing “I’m a 4G Hotspot” t-shirt?

But these are questions for another time. SXSW isn’t about the long term. It’s not for people who think about “complex systems” or “the roots of the problem.” South By is about innovation. It’s about shifting paradigms. It’s about tackling real problems from the unique, fresh perspective of design and marketing. It’s about thinking outside the box. And thanks to BBH, it looks like people all over Austin will be leaving their boxes for good. Because what could be worse than living inside the metaphorical box of weak signals and slow download speeds?

Source

not even paying attention to the tongue and cheek tone of the article…

focus on the actual subject of turning homeless people into hotspots. I don’t get it…

I’ll let y’all hash it out

Look at him sitting there ... on the "gangsta lean"

He may spend his working days contemplating the deepest mysteries of the universe, despite having been robbed of almost all physical movement by the cruelties of motor neurone disease.

But it seems the world-famous British physicist Stephen Hawking also has an interest in more earthier matters.

Cambridge university today admitted. However, they denied claims that he was a regular.

The story emerged last week when a U.S. website reported that Professor Hawking dropped in at the Freedom Acres club in Devore, where he is said to have arrived with an entourage of nurses and assistants before paying for young, naked dancers to perform privately for him.

Radaronline claimed that Professor Hawking had visited the club in the past five years.

A source told the website: ‘I have seen Steven Hawking at the club more than a handful of times.’

Homie... what's dat shyt around your mouf tho? Noooot cool Steve...

But today a Cambridge University spokesman said: ‘It is not true that Professor Hawking is a “regular” visitor to the club in question.

‘This report is greatly exaggerated. He visited once a few years ago with friends while on a visit to California.’

However, it is not the first time the professor has been linked to a risque establishment.

A popular customer, he happily posed for pictures with the club’s dancers.

Owner Peter Stringfellow even declares himself a fan of the professor.

He said: ‘I am often asked during interviews of all the people I have met, who I am most impressed with.

‘Of all the film stars I have met, the majority are really nice people, rock stars are a lot of fun and good company, some of the richest men in the world can be surprisingly funny, but when all is said and done Professor Hawking is The Man.

‘Easily one of the most intelligent men in the world with one of the finest brains and on top of that so brave he takes my breath away – but he’s very human with it.

‘I remember asking him if he’d like to have a conversation with me about the universe or if he’d just like to watch the girls. The answer was quite simply, ‘The girls.’

Professor Hawking married Jane Wilde in 1965 and they went on to have two sons and a daughter.

That marriage was dissolved in 1995, when he married Elaine Mason, his former long-term carer. They divorced in 2007. (Source)

Look…. Steve my dude and all… and he smart as all hell… BUT I got questions…

Why are you in a strip club? What is it doing for you? Can you REALLY get it up? If you could, would you “spank dat azz” whilst said stripper was dancing for you? Do you just sit there and look at them? This must be boring for them also because they need feedback from the people they are dancing for. Does it seem pointless to the dancers? I heard your chair talks as you press buttons. Do the chair talk shyt and be like (mechanical voice) “Oh ba-by. You are so fine. If I was not in this chair I would do you right.” When said stripper give you “private massages” do you close your eyes and see stars and planets? If you get too excited, do you have a “accident” if you did, would you feel it?

Man Steve will take the strippers home and be like:

Whaaaaa???

Your vaginal area feels like what, ma’am?
*sigh*

If Michael Jackson were still here and still a sepia-tone, he’d say:

I’m quite sure of it.

So if you follow me on Twitter, you know I don’t hold back much of anything.

But admittedly, last night? I was on ONE.

All from an innocent re-tweet from someone I don’t even follow.

It apparently was so epic, I was told to post it – and of course it was about relationships.

For those of you who remember “Pudd’n” – ya’ll can blame her, as she had the audacity to retweet this dumb ish:

RT @firefire100: @tokenbeigechick i would NEVER marry someone without living with them first. hell naw

Yanno.. I was mindin’ my bidness…but after I saw this.. I had to go in.

Now.. I ain’t no expert, but… well..Here are the gems:

Next up: “I’d never marry a nig w/o having his baby first! I gotta know if he got cute genes girl”

RT @firefire100: @AmbzBoogie @tokenbeigechick marriage/commitment isn’t a hustle / no it ain’t. but supporting shacking is.

RT @firefire100: shacking? are you tweeting from the back of the bus in 1955?/ Yeah. me and my husband are back here laughin at you hoes

Hoes nowadays really tryin to justify giving they s**t away for free. I love Twitter.

RT @firefire100: assuming that you have to fuck someone that you’re living with? / oh you just live with random n***as? gotcha.

LMAO “Imma live wit him but I ain’t fuckin him”… *roars laughin*

N*ggas gon’ nig. Hoes still hoe’n. The world keeps a-spinnin.

RT @firefire100: it’s wildly obvious that you have the deductive reasoning ability of a pre-schooler. / yet u washin n***as draws for free

@firefire100: and you go suck that n*gga’s dick you living with, washing his Xbox controller FOR FREE. Good luck makin it to the other side

I dunno why hoes is mad at me for givin they s**t away for free. Wrap it up, B.

 Hoes out here dividing up bills, making n*ggas steak and eggs wit they name NOT on the lease #Hustlinbackwards

I’m still dyin at this hoe talmbout she live wit a n*gga but don’t f*ck him doe. *crying*

Listen up, hoes and hoettes. Stop falling for the gatdayum okiedoke. Don’t live wit a nig before marriage unless u cool wit losing.

You shackin’ wit a nig, you gettin the short end of the stick. That nig on the lease but not you? girl.

Then ya’ll wonder why you end up barefoot in the snow with yo Jessica Simpsons in a raggedy box

 Whew. After all that I was tired.

Look at this stupid trick! Bytch how 'bout you be thankful you got a damn job!

Some Target employees are hoping the giant retailer will rethink its plan to open stores at midnight on Black Friday. They claim the early opening will take many workers away from their families for a big part of Thanksgiving.

Target wants to open up earlier than ever — at 12:01 a.m. that night.

CBS News national correspondent Jim Axelrod reports Target employee Seth Coleman would have to report to work at 11 p.m. on Thanksgiving – too early for him.

Coleman told CBS News, “All Americans should be able to break bread with loved ones and get a good night’s rest on Thanksgiving.”

Coleman decided to fight back — delivering bagfuls of petitions with 190,000 signatures to Target’s headquarters in Minneapolis, Minn., Monday — a campaign started by another Target worker in Omaha, Neb.

Anthony Hardwick, a petition drive organizer, said, “It’s grown exponentially. … It’s just absolutely exploded.”

Target’s human resources director says workers should understand it’s a matter of staying competitive. Anahita Cameron said, “Our guests have expressed that they would prefer to kick off their holiday shopping experience right after the holiday celebrations, rather than getting up in the middle of the night.”

Other retailers are backing up their hours too – including Walmart (10 p.m. Thursday), Toys ‘R Us (9 p.m. Thursday), Macy’s (12 a.m. Friday) and Best Buy (12 a.m. Friday)

Catherine Moellering, executive vice president of the TOBE Report, a retail forecasting company, said, “Retailers are willing to open, especially in a hyper-competitive season where having an extra day or extra part of a day could be that competitive advantage that gives the retailers the upper hand.”

Coleman said, “There are certain days in this country when we get to be with our families and give thanks. If I’m at work, almost the entire day, I have nothing to give thanks for or at least no one to give thanks with.”

Hundreds of Target customers are now writing to register their opinions against “Black Thursday” on the company’s Facebook page, urging the company to “save Thanksgiving.”

So, Target may have to reassess what makes the most business sense.

Source

So these people that have jobs are upset about working said job?

If this ain’t the most ass backwards thing!

We damn near in another recession!
Jobs, good or bad, are scarce.
People have been out of work for years, YEARS!

And these ungrateful ass punk ass bytch ass whiny ass people are upset about going to work and getting paid!

You don’t see the soldiers that across the world and won’t get to see their family AT ALL whining and crying!

These fools actually get to spend real time with their families. But they want to complain about going to work at 11 or 12 at night! Bytch the holiday is over by then!

Target should fire them ALL! Its not like Target couldn’t replace them in 2.5 seconds!

By far, the scariest Halloween Horror Movie I have ever seen.