If a poisonous snake bites you on the sack and you need me to suck the poison out? You’gone die.

Just saying, son. If your life depends on whether or not i’m gonna put my mouth all on yo bawls and start working my mouth into a sucking motion, you are just about to be dead as hell…..

A BRITISH tourist was bitten “down under” by a killer snake while answering a call of nature in the bush.

The reptile sunk its fangs into Jackson Scott’s testicle as he squatted in the dark.

But when he begged best mate Roddy Andrews to suck the venom out, his pal refused, reports The Sun.

Instead he drove Jackson on a 40-minute life-or-death dash to Hobart where doctors gave him an antidote to the deadly tiger snake poison.

Musician Jackson, 29, of Glasgow, said: “I went into the garden at four in the morning after a night in the pub to save flushing the toilet because water is precious in the outback.

“Just as I finished and was about to tuck everything safely away, it bit me. I had my pants around my knees when I hobbled into Roddy’s bedroom. My heart was racing and I was hallucinating.

“Needless to say, Rod was not of a mind to suck out the poison.”

Jackson, starting a year’s working holiday at the remote farm, added: “The doctors and nurses were very professional. They didn’t take the mickey out of me being bitten on my wedding tackle.” [source]

Seriously. The depths of my love and or loyalty as a friend definitely stops at  sucking all on yo bawls, son. Nope. Not gonna do it.  Even if Jesus came down and said he would cure all diseases if I would suck on someone’s bawls, please know that n*ggaz in DC would still be getting AIDS then…. because I aint doing it.

Nope.

Don’t look at me, son! I aint working nan bawlz in my jawlz, people. Not doing it.

And hell yeah I’ll sit their indignant as eff about it at your funeral, and when the pastor talks about your preventable death and everyone looks at me, I’m gonna sit there like not a damn was given.  Hell, you knew better to go putting me in any situation that would involve me sucking all on ya bawls to save ya life, man. YOUR fault!

If ya didn’t know, now ya know.

If you want to take me with you on some excursion that there is a chance of a poisonous creature biting you on the bawls and you need mouth to bawls assistance? Be prepared to die, man. Make your peace.

Because if you live and they ask you how in the world you survived, you are gonna have to tell them about how I had ya bawls in my mouth, son and that’s just not about to happen.   How the eff am i supposed to sit there whilst you explain to Anderson Cooper about how I sucked venom out your bawls, dude. How am I supposed to get through that!!! I’m supposed to stand there all proud of my actions???  And what is CNN supposed to do about the whole damn fiasco!!?? What are they gonna put up on the lil graphic on the screen with my name on it n shyt? Are they really supposed to put: Slaus Caldwell ” Sucked the bawls”?? I’m supposed to be ok with that!?? Why would you even think I’m about that life, dude. I’m not. WHich is why you would be dead as hell, son.

I’m just saying.

: shrugs ::

Juuudge me.