I think the GOP makes Cher want to vomit.

And here I thought I would be way too passionate and evil about doing this post… sheeeeesh LOL. Gone ‘head, Cher. Tell em why you’re mad, doll!

Sooooo, how are you all enjoying these fine Republican Primaries we’ve been having? It seems like just yesterday we had 12 white people and a token and now were down to 4 really qualified ::giggle:: white men. I see them as real competition for Obama in the fall ::stifled laughter:: between Romney’s commitment to his positions and Gingrich’s composure ::Doubled over in laughter::. This is why I didnt go into Broadcast Journalism because before you can be the next Oprah you have to be a “neutral” News Reporter and yeah . . . Slaus asked me to write this up because he gets way too passionate, but I feel like perhaps he doesn’t know me very well. I don’t get passionate I get angry and vile.

Ron “I’m not really a Republican I’m just old and don’t know where else to go” Paul - First, I don’t know what the hell Ron Paul is; he’s like a strange little creature from the Twilight Zone, stay with me; It’s the 1950s, it’s black and white and a little boy finds a strange spindly doll that looks like Ron Paul. At night under the moonlight the doll comes alive and says things to the boy that make sense like “clean your room and “do your homework”, but sometimes his head spins around and he says “kill your parents” or “burn the black people”. It’s the Twilight Zone so you know the little boy is driven insane and the doll falls into another kid’s hands and in this case it replicates itself as Rand Paul. So now there are two crazy dolls and sometimes they say “We would be crazy to invade foreign countries and start ANOTHER war, people don’t want that”, but other times they say “Affirmative Action must be eliminated and diversity perpetuates racism”. The little doll, Ron Paul, likes to muck up the race every 4 years for our amusement, I swear it’s a collective Perot, Kucinich, Paul – Spindly, little hobbity doll men.

 

Rick “The Christian Right is too Liberal for me” Santorum - I loathe this man. Damn you Iowa for your surge. I hope y’all choke on your fried corn cobs or ethanol fumes or whatever. Santorum is so Pro-Life that he would probably have men save semen in cups if it weren’t construed as insane. The man is CREEPY and way, way invested in gay sex and women’s uteruses, uteri? Whatever, I suspect some serious latent homosexual desires there; I’m just suggesting that if he was given that gay porn test (watch gay porn, test for arousal)  he would not pass AT. ALL. Santorum does not have a cat’s chance in Beth’s house of getting elected, he will be crushed, smashed and beat down and deservedly so. If you don’t know the “other” meaning of Santorum it wasn’t me that said to Google it, but “Sh*tty Ricky, what they called him”.

Newt “I believe in the sanctity of whichever marriage I’m currently in” Gingrich - ::Deep Breath:: Newton Leroy (pronounce (Luh-Rawh) Gingrich, is an undercooked Buttermilk biscuit filled with feces. I watch how rude he is to people publicly in interviews or during debates and I imagine that his behavior has to be 10 times worse in private. I just want to toast his face to a nice crusty brown with a propane torch and by propane torch I mean a spray tan, yeah that’s totally what I mean; is that wrong? The way he speaks about black people as if we’re all just glomming off the Government, as if we saw Obama take Office and we bumrushed the Department of Human Services office for a check. (It’s hard to get those checks) His condescending tone, I just want to see Obama knock him DOWN! Make him cry. Teach him some respect. That’s my dream. I want to see Cool, Calm, Collected Obama lay the silky Black smack down on the Playground Bully. Repeatedly.
The fact that he is attempting to sell himself as a “Washington Outsider” is just beyond all comprehension. Really, you potato headed, fart monkey you were the leader of the House of Representatives! That means you were High, Lord,King Fancy Fat pantaloons over HUNDREDS of politicians.You cheated on your SECOND SICK wife with a Washington House staffer and then married her soulless, robotic ass and used your former position in Government to obtain “consulting” positions IN Washington. Tell me how that makes you an outsider, besides being outside of your daft, playdoh shaped head? Then he wants to invoke Reagan’s name in every other sentence, I was a kid then, but um were things bright and beautiful during the Reagan years? Trickle Down Economics anyone? Give rich people money and they’ll spend it and eventually it will benefit the middle class and poor. I believe the rich people kept the money . . .

Willard Mitt “I know about International Relations cuz I planned the Winter Olympics that no one watches” Romney - 21.7 MILLION dollars – 13.9% tax – What? He made 21.7 MILLION dollars mostly from interest on investments, he didn’t work or earn any money at a job. So Mitt makes my Annual Salary in roughly 16 hours. I could talk about how he’s a human robot. How he waffles on his decisions in an attempt to appease everyone, pro-choice, pro-life, romney-care, obama-care. The man cavalierly made a $10,000 bet at a debate, he makes jokes about “technically being unemployed” and at the same time he wants to raise taxes on people who are struggling to make ends meet. WTF is the point of increasing taxes on people getting government assistance. I can’t even rail against the pure stupidity of “Self deportation” because I realize this man has no clue about the real world. He wants to give immigrants a work card and if they don’t have this card then they don’t work and then they’ll self deport ::dying with laughter:: Cuz when immigrants don’t have social security numbers they just leisurely stroll up to a Border Patrol Agent and say “I’m ready to self deport please”. 21.7 Million!

Depress yourself – Find out how long it would take to make what Mitt made last year - http://www.slate.com/articles/business/moneybox/2012/01/romney_income_calculator_how_much_does_mitt_make_how_long_would_it_take_him_to_earn_your_salary_.html

Vent, share. I don’t know. Slaus gave me an assignment and then I got all angry and forgot what it was.