I have some rules about my fellow black people that have never lead me wrong and I think many of you might find life much easier if you also adopt these into your everyday life ass life.
a). Never trust Black People with freckles ( Morgan Freeman, Jemele Hill( looove you heffa), Butta from Soulbounce, Morris Day)
b). Never trust Black People with flat asses – Because they aren’t really Black. They are aliens sent to infiltrate ass infiltrate us. Name one BLack person with a flat booty that wasn’t a criminal or pedophile… yeah you can’t.
c). Never trust a Black man with a ponytail..
Ergo, this mofo here is prolly the anti-christ…
Maaan I’m telling you. Aint nothing good ever came from a black man in a ponytail. Not Ice-T, Not Uncle Rukus, not Ashford n simpson, not nobody.
Every brotha with a ponytail looks like his name should be Silky, Tito, Sha-Sha, Ray-Ray or Leofis Laron Jenkins. All names you can’t trust n shyt. When was the last time you met a fool named Silky that didn’t try to put something in your anus? Not never not no time.
Brothas with ponytails will lick all your coffee cups and put your good silverware under their nuts when you aren’t looking. Kinda like how Lightskinned people turn into flying squirrels when no one with melanin is watching.
Light skinned person flying around the house.
What, don’t look at me like that! When was the last time you saw a beige person on a flight? Not never. Oh lightskinned black people BUY plane tickets but you don’t never actually see them board the plane. That’s why they don’t ever have carry-on luggage! Because they can’t flap their lil squirrel arms and hold a prada bag, bytch.
Mmmmhm. s--t, here is an actual foto of a lightskinned Black person in my house when they thought i wasn’t lookin…
"SHnarf shnarf Who gone check me boo. Darkie not youuuu"
Thanks to Saitek for sending this in.
{ 104 comments }
iDied @ Snarf.
Thundercats, hoooooooooo!
Because they can’t flap their lil squirrel arms and hold a prada bag, bytch.
laughed for 10 minutes
still laughing
out loud
hahahahahahahahaha
can we add real from i love ny/real chance of love AND lloyd to the “brothas with ponytails who aint shyt” list? please and thank you.
oh, and also add antoine dodson to the list. OK HOMEBOY!
This list is nowhere near complete without Slickback the Magical Pimp…
http://ohellnawlblog.com/newohnblog/2010/05/20/prince-the-pimp-sentenced-to-18-years-his-hair-should-serve-life/
@SunnieDeeZ
That gravatar makes me weak.
I need to borrow Bro’Lo’s format for some questions here…..
1) They’re having a shower. What’s with the damn sports bra? Is the cameraman that shyt?
2) Is his part of the shower covered in upturned tacks? You’ve gotta nice-lookin’ woman in the shower with you – albeit rather bizarrely wearing a sports bra, but that could be sorted kinda easily. Stand the f--g still!
3) Why does his hair look like he’s sponsored by the BP oil spill?
4) Why can’t he sing?
5) Why, when he attempts to sing, do I feel a wave of Hulk-smash rage come over me?
6) Why do his lyrics sound like the fantasies of an early developing 11 year old?
7) Why the f--g do you hate us so, Slaus?
Co fvcking sign! Pecially 1&2
3) Why does his hair look like he’s sponsored by the BP oil spill?
Get OUT!
3) Why does his hair look like he’s sponsored by the BP oil spill?
comment of the day!!!!
LOL… Dapz Fubs!
But did u notice how this mofo didn’t even get his hair wet?! It was like he was afraid of looking like he was taking a tar bath.
Number 3…I just can’t. I actually tried…I failed.
#5 and 6 Im all the way with you there with you FUBS…something a prubescent teen is up all nite writing. just to slip in someones backpack the next day with a “do you like me yes/no/maybe” box to check!
Co sign on 7 cause I swear this fool hates us…
@ Fubsy and Suga – because I just do.. and you can’t stop me from hating.
:: fat man jiggle dance ::
#6….hahahahaha!!! True.
iDied @ #3
3) Why does his hair look like he’s sponsored by the BP oil spill?
Comment of the damn week….
#3 murked my soul
Oh and Slaus, peep my avie…I’m only half black, so I fly with one hand in the air LOL
Fubs nailed it ALL!
co-sign to #3. I think he goes to the same supplier as Jermaine Jackson
@That Dude Formerly Known as SMH
You are the Devil, sir!
U know Slaus….u lucky you brought us OHN and we like you, or else….
Whotcha mean “we like you”. I take offence at that……
:: :: hugs Fubsy :: Shut up and accept it.
Gatdamnit, Slaus!!! You and me, the candy store….4:25, bytch!
What’s pop’n e’bbe? How Folks girlz doing?
::sneaks back in for egeope n tdday slap::
::yawn::
Dude ain’t got no skills ponytail or not. Too many clothes on, still drank in the glass (should be gone by 0:15 mark from being drunk or used as a lube), candle lit (shyt should be burned out or the bed literally on fire from getting knocked over), no water on the floor…. Amateur!
What’s with silky’s gap I. His tooth.
If I were that chick, I would have purposely slipped is the shower so as to avoid his off-key, eardrum shattering voice. My face hurts from the 5 minutes of cringing. **digging my Motrin 600 and muscle relaxers out my purse**
oops. IN the shower. I think his voice scrambled my brain a little.
oh I am so going to find this fool’s CD
it will be reviewed
Hell hath no fury like a former pimp forced into the studio by command of the half-way house and his preacher…If he does have a mixtape floating around out there Bef please DO NOT let the music hypnotize you!
I closed my eyes and I imagined that he was in the shower with another man. With his cryin ass tryna sing self. Then I opened them and saw that they are trying to make love in the water but miss “i failed at being a video hoe” has on a tank top, looking confused and shyt……Epic fail.
Then it looked like BP picked him up and tipped him over so they could use his hair as a sponge to soak up all that oil.
And why does the girl in this video look like she is supposed to be his sister.
And he has on shorts with Kinte beads arounf his neck UGH!!!
“I closed my eyes and I imagined that he was in the shower with another man.”
Ole visualizing azz.
WHAAAA? Tell me he doesnt sound Authentic ass Orignally Authentic. I jsut knew when the ‘video’ came on he was going to be rubbing down someone that looked like Punk from I love New York (cause he got Oil Spill hair too.)
You funny…
Ole modern dance azz dancing self.
From the stills it looks too Soul Gloish for me to click on.
I hear you Slaus on the lightskin people.
I remember once I was following my Manager into her cubicle on day a few years back. She turned the corner into her cubicle and a couple of seconds later I turned the corner and I could not see her. I called out her name to ask where was she. I squinted my eyes and could barely make her out cause she was blending in with the beige cubicle.
I respectfully asked to please step out and stand by the window so I could at least see her while we talk.
js.
I’ve tried the whole shower thing before.
It ain’t as fun as it would seem.
Its not. Cause only one person gets the water. And for some reason the man expects you to be cold. Just stingy, wanna be ALL up in my wet, warm and gushy, but I cant get the water on my back??? Nope, I’ll pass on dat dere.
What!?! Again, wasn’t done right. Amateur.
BINGO!!!!
ugh. selfish mof--gas.
But
I..
But…
sigh… nope. Imma leave you alone Ambz…
::hoping Ambz don’t hang up on me next time I call in::
What!?!?
You just didn’t get steamed showered right.
i cant even make a “real” comment cuz slaus is a fool LMMFAOOOO i cant stop laughing.
fyi..im light-skinned..and unfortunately flat bootys run in my family, so i got 2 strikes against me and makes me laugh even more.
Can you fly too?
*faints*
lol @ leo!
I’ve been lurking around here for a couple of months now without ever commenting on anything, but this right here made me laugh so hard that my tummy hurt. I can’t look at the flying squirrel without laughing all over again. Mr. Slaus sir, are you trying to kill me?
::Slicks some freshly-leaked BP oil on my hair….::
Howdi new lady!
Yes…yes he is. But if I gotta go let me go cause I laffed to death from being a ohellnawlian.
Welcome to the land of ain’t shytness, we ain’t shyt, don’t give a shyt and laff at dumb shyt.
: nipple pinch :
^^ You better preach, take ya time…. **waving MLK, Jr fan witht he funeral home ad on the back**
Welcome Kai
Glad you came out your shell and was brave enough to join us…
Welcome.
Oh
GROOOPE!
whoooooo!!! Hey, there Kai, Folk name is Folk. How you doing lil south park mommy?
yES.. Yes I am trying to cause pain through laughter ass laughter.
Surely in these few month you have realised that im not the hero in this fairy tale.
He looks like he has a lace front ponytail….*hop, skips and jumps to the corner*
LMAO.
Lace hhahahahah
Front HAHAHAAHA
Ponytail HEHEHEHHE
With the connecting eyebrows like Brandy!!!!
Khaki people cant be trusted though. They think cause they bright and damn near white they get special priviledges and shyt. f--gGG ALLA YALL!!!! From now on I’m shootin tranquilizers at every flying squirrel I encounter and sending them to Animal Control in Uganda.
Ugh. Dude couldn’t fail anymore if he had a big fat FAIL tatted on his forehead.
Can’t ACT worth shyt.
Can’t EDIT worth shyt.
Can’t SING worth shyt.
Can’t MOVE worth shyt.
Can’t RHYME worth shyt.
Can’t write LYRICS worth shyt.
Can’t afford a DENTIST worth shyt.
… and doesn’t own a mirror, obviously.
At least not anymore.
Last mirror he owned probably broke or went “I QUIT DIS BISH” when it saw that sparkly, greased up hair-do(n’t).
I wonder how much he paid that woman to get in the shower with him.
And why he didn’t hire a man in the first place.
Would’ve been more credible.
Did I mention I love Youtube?
They related a video of Jamie Foxx doing D’Angelo’s “Untitled”.
I can’t
NOW SEE ERE !!!! i have it on damm good athority that us yell…er…those yellow peeps inherited there flyin skills from the darker fokes. and you you have an “aleged” red-bone in flight, i have REAL proof its the Mandingo Version of brothas that really have this skill…
see fo your self
http://www.motifake.com/image/demotivational-poster/0809/black-people-demotivational-poster-1221534614.jpg
see what im talkin bout? she shakin her head cause she knows the light skind cousin gonna tell it all and i..eherm…he did!
-dead and buried @ that pic-
OMG… iDied!
And how come nobody ain’t said hello to ME yet?
Since Fubs ain’t got ’round to it yet.
Hello, mehtare. Welcome to OHN.
Thank you kindly, Libra Lady!
:: poots in your cereal ::
there.. feel welcomed yet? :: steals your car keys ::
::Gives you a bad shine::
Don’t tease me if you can’t please me!
Oh, how I wish OHN videos would show up on my phone.
But based on the picture I see, I don’t think I’d click it anyways. Ol’ Soul Glo’ing ass picture I see.
Oh, and beige people rule!!! Although, I’m more of the ‘transparent’ person…lol
this is not THE jam!
Name one black person with a flat booty: Aisha Tyler, she even talks about it herself
The only thing he could do is give me good Becky with that gap in his teef…so he won’t be wh-inging (whine +singing). The greasy hair will keep my thighs lubed…IJS
hey hey now…my daddy has a ponytail. and my grandaddy did too ( he wasn’t nicca though) but he WAS a ninja…so, he’s excused. Rat along with my daddy.
*stomps off mad cause his name is Chico and that just fits ya’lls theme….*
THIS SH*T IS HORRIBLE!!! Every word he sings makes me wanna end it all!! *killin myself right now*
*Grabs Smash and cuddles him in my boosums*
Don’t do it *rubs head* just relax
*tries to wrestle loose…gives up…dozes off*
*Yeaaah*
Lite & Genteel
:gropeysqueezie:
Dead@ snarf snarf…that ish was BAR HAR HAR FUNNY!!
This entire post gave me the gigglies….
Kilt me with “Shnarf”!
Slaus, you sick
i DIED @ the “light skinned person flying around the house.” D-I-E-D. lol
oh- and not that u can tell by my anonymously gray/white non-pic profile icon.. but i’m on the yellower side of life. (no freckles though.. and i got a dunkadunk)
Welcome Steph.
P.s. You stank.
When her hair is wet, I can see where ol’ girl’s tracks start. But her abs are killer though.
Snarf snarf, nygga? Really?! iQuit!!
Dead @ “Kinda like how Lightskinned people turn into flying squirrels when no one with melanin is watching.”
I’d be offended if it weren’t so damned funny!
wtf??? somewhat high or f--ked up when writing this??
Totally on board for the warning against beige people, but flying bats??
you lost me!
:: drops M&M candies down Essie’s booty for no damn reason. Just cuz I can but i shouldn’t”
Hush and let me be great.
I believe those are actually sugar gliders.
No one asked you for facts n examples!!!
but yes… they ARE sugar gliders…. and their pictures make me giggle ass giggle
OMG we just the video, and clicked further til we ended up on is personal youtube channel. Checked his one and only other recording. gasp!!!
is this man for real? he can’t sing, the videos look like they’re recorded in the early 80’s on a low low budget on BetaMax or something.
Check out how he listed that he was the sole writer, performer and producer of his 2 recording. smh
Oh and regarding the video above:
the girl laughed at times, looking extremely embarrased. poor thing….
How slick gon be trying to be sexy with that gap and bouncing all over the place. Got ole girl looking all startled in her shower sports bra. And why does he have on basketball shorts on in the shower? Since when do people not shower nekked?
Sidenote: Beigey peeps FTW
Why the f--g do you have a rat playing panpipes in your avi?!
Can i has him?
Not all beige people. I won’t have sex in the water, because I don’t wanna get my hair wet. C’MON NOW!!
I know Im late… *sigh*
*kicks Slaus in the shin* Ya damn darkie!
MANNNNN F U Slaus!!! I am lightskin and I have freckles!!! bring it! AND MY DADDY (who i am cloned from) ROCKS A PONYTAIL. As my flying squirrel comrade said WHO GONE CHECK ME BOO!!!! lmaooo
Sidebar: I would like to applaud both of them fools in that video above. They in the shower and all that. Shawty face didn’t run off AT ALL!! Shout out to Make-Up Forever. But umm, he has her drowning under that shower head while he frolicking in the steam. I need to know what industrial strength gel he use in his hair. Not ONE strand frizzed out of place or nuthin. damn
I am so dead at 1 & 2…
I have them both…and I am light skin.
:Shakes fist @ Stan for tagging me in that photo on FB:
f--gGG er’y last one of y’all cause didn’t nobody say nan nere nuttin ’bout homegirl’s weave bump!
I just wanted to thank for this post..this is the best laugh I had in a long time..
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