Late Night Random BS – Onahole Measures Your ‘Strokes’ (NSFW)

Nighty Night OHN Fam! It’s usually that time of night peeps are snuggling up under each other or out partying trying to get some azz to exhaust a week’s worth of employment or lack of employment stress.

Some of my male folks out there only have a one handed girlfriend. So for you guys out there who needs some “stats” to assist with your pickup or for you ladies who really want to see how long your potential man or your man man can last, here’s the solution for you. Onahole!

“Male masturbation is more than just a means of self-pleasure for dorks, geeks and nerds; it’s an art form and, dare I say, a sport! It’s for this reason that a Japanese company has released the Count Machine Onahole, a masturbation device that testers describe as a “fleshlight attached to a counting mechanism.”

This unique contraption basically counts the number of times one penetrates with one’s penis, a fact which I suppose would serve as a great addition to one’s ‘date resume,’ assuming one to be an energetic hard-hitter. The genius of the gadget lies in its many uses, though.

For instance, fat and lazy men who are gradually eating themselves to an early death can rejoice, because the Onahole is their ticket to success. Each stroke not only provides pleasure, but also burns calories. Ergo the Count Machine Onahole functions as a weight-loss device.

Second, Hiroshi ‘Chocoball’ Mukai—former professional wrestler, current male pornographic star, and eternal hero to all ‘wankers’ worldwide—set a world record of 426 strokes in one minute. Now just imagine the introduction of the Onahole at the 2012 Summer Olympics. In the words of John Lennon, “Just imagine.”

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling inspired, so I’m going to go PUMP THINGS UP, as his record is something I wish to beat (pardon the pun).
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So get your stroke on folks and post up your stats in the comments. Folk gonna skip out and see if the lil lady can keep count. ::damnit! She’s sleep already… hmmmm… Folk guess that means there’s going to be some surprise dack on somebody later tonight!::: “baby don’t move.”

Nighty night all you freaky azz freaky freaks! :p