Fetish Friday – HKS’s Top Five Freakiest Fetishes

Hey Everyone. I am so effing happy that it’s finally Friday! I hope you all had lots of CBT fun last weekend and I hope that all my male readers still have both of their balls in tact, if not ::shrugs:: sucks to be you ‘n shyt. So anyway this week I decided to do something a little different. Each week we talk about different fetishes and each week at least 3 people will hit me up via twitter, IM, or the phone asking me shyt like, “HKS are you really into this fetish, do you really like being stapled in the ass or do people really like to be shyt on, like REALLY?” Mostly I get asked “well whats the strangest fetish you know?” Personally, I don’t think that there is a such thing as a strangest fetish. I do however subscribe to thinking that some fetishes are just freaky.azz.freaky, so this week I am going to list what I think are the top five freaky fetishes (I’m pretty sure some of you freaky muh f--gas are into some of this shyt with your nasty azz).

1. Ederacinism – tearing out the sex organs by the roots. Yes people you read that right. There are people who want to have their sex organs ripped off their body. How effing freaky do you have to be to want someone to do this. Not to mention the fact that you can only really enjoy this a few ties in life before you can’t do this shyt anymore. How do you even plan that? Like yeah, I’m going to have my left ball torn out during the next Halley’s Comet, and my right one torn out for Kwanzaa.
2. Gerontophilia – attraction to significantly older persons. Anyone who knows me very well, knows that in addition to furries, clowns, and S&T sex, old people scare the f--g out of me. I don’t want them near me, I dont like the way the smell, I don’t like the way they look at you with their piercing “I know you don’t have no underwear on missy” type of way.  Sadly thought gerontophiles are people who like nothing more than having sexual relations with old shriveled up paynus ( alphamegamia) or dry azz pus that nuts dust ( anililagnia ) .
3. Faunoiphilia: sexual arousal from watching animals mate. Seriously, I am not judging anyone who is into this o_O. Well let me qualify that statement.I AM actually judging you, but for the life of me I want to understand you. I’m going to be honest with you all, I  loves me some porn (spoken in my BEST southern drawl). No really,  I like all kinds of porn. Lesbian, boy/girl, boy/boy/girl, girl/girl/boy, midget &  sock puppet but come on now, ANIMALS? Who in the f--g really sits at home and gets off on watching Animal Planet. Not to mention, how do you share that with your mate?  I mean, I love my man beyond what’s possible to express with words BUT if he EVER comes in the crib mad excited with a DVD in hand on some “baby, we bout to put in some work get out the stapler, tarp, ginsu & butt plug”  and then he pulls out the first season of “Orangutan Island”  & asks me if  I know that even hyenas have been documented having oral sex……I’m leaving him.
4. Necrophagy – cannibalizing a corpse. Umm really now? Do I REALLY have to even say whats wrong with this? Really? But the knowledge of knowing there are people who actually get off on this scares the shyt out of me. I mean cannibalism in and of itself is just plain crazy unless your trapped on a mountain top with no way of being rescued. And even then I am thinking if there are at least three men I can figure out a way to make a deal with each of them where I can sustain my own life with semen. (likelya deal that involves happy endings & probably irrumatio :-/
   - DJM! I am simply trying to stay alive until I’m rescued, and protein is an important source of survival ) I will be damned if I’m  going to literally eat a muh f--gga….like for serious.
5. Chezolagnia – masturbating while defecating.  o.O o.O o.O ::crickets:: Umm yeah can we all take a moment and say Nasty.Azz.Nasty. Really people- WHERE DO THEY DO THIS SHYT AT? I mean don’t get me wrong I love both masturbation & shyting…..but at the same time – f--g NO. There is absolutely NO justification to this. I mean if you have to shyt, why can’t you wait 3 or 4 minutes and a quick azz wash before you start rubbing one out. How (unless your into scat play) can one even justify rubbing one out while smelling themselves shyt? I’m sure there are 3 people right now reading this saying to themselves ” Shyt HKS, my shyt don’t stink”, umm yes it does stop lying to yourself please.

So thats it folks these are five fetishes that I think are beyond freaky. Don’t get me wrong though, there are more but I shall discuss them another day. Sadly I know at least one person reading this is going to engage in one of these activities this weekend and to you I say this – YOU’RE A NASTY MUH f--gA & I rebuke you with my Jackhammer Jesus Dildo and some of that liquid in the baby food jar in my fridge labled HOLY WATER o.O See you all next week